Day 3 -- Yay for growth (the good kind)!

Unfortunately, tonight's post will be brief because instead of writing, I spent the last four hours tending to grad school apps, Fellowship programs, and registering for all sorts of SAT-like tests that I REALLY don't want to take but kind of have to.  :-\  Trust me, I would have rather been writing.

Tonight, I wanted to take a moment and thank those of you who have started following the blog.  It's been three days, and I'm actually more than a little surprised to have 9 followers -- none of which are my mother.  Call me cheesy, but to me, that's an accomplishment. 

In all honesty, the past two days have probably been the most uplifting days I've had in a few weeks.  I've really been able to re-focus and re-examine what it is I'm trying to do here, and exactly how I need to go about it.  I'll be the first to admit that while my intentions are pure, I stray.  And I stray often.  It takes a lot for me to turn down the french fries and burger and instead choose some nice, steamed broccoli.  'Cause let's be honest, grease is good :-) 

And today, in a moment of weakness, I chose grease! 

And I've been paying for it all afternoon.  Let's just say that when you've been trying to eat healthier, more natural foods, and you decide to surprise your insides with processed crap, it does NOT go well.  (Kim -- I should have listened to you!)

After multiple trips to the bathroom (and a few magazine articles later), I determined that I probably should have listened to my co-worker, Kim, when she suggested ever so politely that "ordering the healthier option of a turkey sandwich is probably cancelled out when you get the french fries and Diet Mountain Dew to go with it."  Thanks, Kim. 

Now, while this might seem obvious to most, in my head, there were a THOUSAND reasons to justify my purchase. 

"But if I don't get what I want now, then I'll just go home and binge later."
"But I did get a turkey sandwich, unlike my usual fried buffalo tenders sandwich... so it is slightly healthier than my norm."

You get the idea. 

At first, I was slightly annoyed with Kim for making my lunch order her business.  But seven hours later, I came to the conclusion that by creating this blog, I had just made my lunch order EVERYONE's business.  I don't think the reality of what I had done when I started The 100 Pound Challenge had set in until today.  Somewhere inside, I had some concept of what I had just done.  But it didn't hit me until now:  I had just invited every single person reading this into my life.  To criticize.  To analyze.  To monitor my every move.  Ten accountability partners and still counting.

Now, intially, this little "epiphany" of mine caused me to march to my computer, where I contemplated disabling the blog, and the entire challenge.  Did I really want EVERYONE's eyes on me, watching what I ate, wondering why I was eating french fries when I clearly needed to have green beans?  Did I really want to see the look of doubt on my friends' and family members' faces?  Gotta admit -- on the surface, not really.

That's when the big cast iron skillet came down and smacked me in the head.  Yes!  I DID WANT THAT!  I mean, Heeellllloooooo!!!!  That's the underlying point of this entire project!  I've tried losing the weight, making lifestyle changes, without anyone holding me accountable.  And it doesn't work.  I'm the type of person who needs to see the doubt, the questioning, so I can look that person straight in the eye and say "Oh yea?!  Watch me do it!" 

I'm glad this blog is growing, and at a faster pace than I had expected.  And I'm thankful for each and every one of my followers.  I'm glad your eyes (and mouse!) are just one click away, daily.  I can't tell you how appreciative I am that you've all decided to take this journey with me. 

P.S. -- Kim, I'm not mad anymore :-)  Thanks for looking out for me today, even if I did make a poor decision!  Lesson learned!  I promise!


Kim said...

Sorry, my comment was due to jealousy - I wanted your fries!

wesnshan said...

Thank you...for being honest and just putting it out there. That's a struggle that we all go through losing weight and trying to do right and you know....making a wrong choice helps us to learn from them and make better ones next time.

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