Day 77 -- Cutting Carbs Sucks :-(

So, here's the menu for Day 77 (yesterday). 

A quick sidenote, if I may:
When I visited with Kali last week, she asked me to limit my carb intake to 5 times a day (for example, two slices of whole wheat bread or one spoonful of mashed potatoes both count as 1).  To put that in perspective, I've been eating 8-9 carbs per day.  So... cutting that almost in half has been a bit of a challenge.  I'm finally starting to adjust, but it's such a pain!  It's just one more thing I have to think about when planning/making my meals for the day. 

I'll post more on this topic later tonight.  But now, I'm off to the gym.  5 mile run and some weights, here I come!!!

Nicole's Daily Menu
Breakfast
Multigrain Cheerios with 1% milk
Babybel Light Cheese Round
Snack
Diced peaches
Some cashews (note measured out, and I know I ate WAY too much)
Lunch
Romaine hearts/baby spinach salad with shaved turkey and Fat Free Italian dressing
2 Plain rice cakes with Babybel French Onion Spreadable Cheese
Snack
Strawberry Chobani Yogurt
Dinner
Chicken quesadilla made with fat free sour cream

Days 74-76 -- Busy Weekend

Hey gang!  Super busy weekend, and no time to post. :-\  But hopefully I'll have a chance sometime this week to get a good and lengthy post up for you all!  I know you're all waiting to read my every thought and word, right?  Yea, that's what I thought. 

Well -- for now, here's my menu!  Hope you all had a great weekend!

Nicole's Daily Menu
Breakfast
Multigrain Cheerios with 1% milk
Snack
15 Cashews
Lunch
Ham on 100% whole wheat bread, light mayo, and spinach leaves
20 mini pretzels
Chobani Raspberry Yogurt
Snack
Babybel Cheese Round
Dinner
Chicken, spinach/romaine salad with light Italian dressing, green beans
Dessert
Ice cream

Day 73 -- Just Checking In

I don't have much time to write tonight, but I wanted to at least get my menu up here.  Day one of no crappy food was a success!  Let's hope the next 20 days go equally as well :-)

Nicole's Daily Menu
Breakfast
Multigrain Cheerios with 1% milk
Cheese Stick
Snack
Strawberry & Banana Chobani Yogurt
Lunch
Asian Sesame Chicken Salad from Panera, side of bread
Snack
Kashi TLC Oats &  Honey Granola Bar
Dinner
Pork chop with broccoli
Dessert
Ice Cream

Days 71-72 -- Recommitment

Well hello again.

I'm not going to bother apologizing for my lack of activity on this blog -- which, may I remind you, I was determined to post on at least once a day for a year.  Yea, well I think we've all realized by now that my ambition to do just that might have been a wee bit lofty.  Regardless, I'm sorry.  Let's just leave it at that for now.

I wrote on Monday afternoon that I've found myself edging every so closely back into a rut.  And I'm determined not to let that happen.  For the past week, my inbox has been inundated with emails from my Half-Marathon Fundraising Mentor, Team Coordinator, and the like to re-commit to fundraising, and running, the Boston Half-Marathon for Crohn's & Colitis.  And the constant stream of email reminders have got me thinking: I need to re-commit.  Not just to the race on June 27, but to this race which will last the rest of my life. 

The past month has been a struggle, but only because I've made it one.  After a nice little therapy session with Kali (no, she's not my therapist, but my nutritionist, for those just joining us), we determined that I'm self-sabotaging.  OK -- now on three let's all do a collective, sarcastic cheer! 

No, seriously.  Not good.  Not good at all.  And the worst part is that I KNOW I'm doing it.  And yet I don't stop myself.  As Kali pointed out, I make a bad decision, blog about it, swear up and down that I'll never do it again, and then three weeks later find myself in the same, familiar position.  Hmm.... someone's a slow learner, no???

As Kali also pointed out, I make a lot of excuses for myself.  I have a stellar week, lose three or four pounds, and as some kind of reward for being so good, I go ahead and slpurge on a cheeseburger, French Fries, or whatever other unhealthy, cholesterol-filled food is in my direct path of consumption.  And that needs to stop.  I can't keep making excuses, straying from my healthy habits, and then get frustrated with myself when the scale doesn't move, or worse, goes up. 

So the result of this evening's session with Kali???  Well, it's a simple challenge.  But it's going to be hard as Hell.  For the next three weeks, Kali wants me to (and I agree it's a good idea) embark on a mini experiment.  No crappy meals for three weeks.  That means, no matter the weight loss I might have, no cheating.  No pizza.  No buffalo chicken wraps.  No French Fries.  Nothing that's not on the Kali-Approved List of Foods. 

I'm not kidding when I say this is going to be really hard for me.  And not because it's going to take a lot of preparation (ensuring I have the right foods with me, not eating out, etc.), but because it means I'm going to have to face down whatever little Demon inside my head that keeps toying with me, convincing me to self-sabotage.  I sense that these next few weeks will make or break me.  I'm hoping they prove to be quite insightful, and that I'll be the better for them.

So, today, I stand (ok, well, envision me standing) before you at 246.2 pounds.  And I am re-committing to this journey, to this challenge, to this blog.  As Kali said earlier, there's plenty of time for me to enjoy the foods I really love once I've reached my goal weight and proven that I can maintain it.  But not right now.  Right now, there's no "wiggle room."  Right now, I need to re-commit to a healthy lifestyle, to losing weight, and feeling great about myself.  And let's face it -- that doesn't come by way of downing a basket of fried shrimp. 

Hopefully, you're all doing better on your journeys than I am.  And I pray that your "inner demons" and the voices in your head that are trying to push you down are not winning.  Keep fighting the good fight!  And check back in for a blog a day -- even if it is just my menu!

Nicole's Daily Menu
Breakfast
Multigrain Cheerios with 1% milk
Cheese Stick
Snack
2 Plain rice cakes with peanut butter
Lunch
Grilled chicken, broccoli
Snack
10 pretzels, cheese stick
Dinner
Grilled chicken, green beans, and some rice

Days 66-70 -- 1 Minute Shaved Off, 1 Back Muscle Pulled

Ran a 5K yesterday.  In the rain.  And the cold.  Oh, and did I mention the ENTIRE course was uphill?!  Who does that???? 

Needless to say, I had to walk quite a bit of the hills, as I don't usually incorporate hills in my training (don't worry, I'm going to start!).  But I still managed to shave another minute off my best 5K time, finishing at 40:38.  Sooo close to breaking into the 30:00s.  Ugh -- damn you hills, damn you!

However, the combo of running like a hunchback in the rainy cold at a continuous uphill incline led to one sore back.  In fact, 24 hours later, and I still can't straighten my back entirely.  I tried a massaging chair mechanism, my husband's good ole hands, and even one rolling pin (per my mother's suggestion).  Nothing's worked so far. 

I have plans to run tonight, but we'll see if that actually happens.  Not gonna lie, I don't know how keen I am on getting more than a few stares from those skinnies around me wondering why I look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.  And I'm not sure how much I'll be able to carry myself upright while running.  But I'm sure as heck going to try. 

FYI -- Saturday's weigh-in was 245.8.  And while it was still a loss, it's not nearly where I should be two plus months into this challenge. 

I'm going to try super hard the next few weeks to re-focus and re-motivate myself.  I think I'm getting into the beginning stages of a rut, and I do NOT want to find myself there. So feel free to motivate me :-)

I'll post the menu later!  Ciao!

Day 65 -- A Quick Post

Just wanted to stop in and post my menu for Tuesday.  I'll be going to grad school orientation tonight, and won't have time to post.  But I didn't want to go two days without contact! 

Hope you're all having a fantastic food week!!!  Oh, and shoutout to my friend Katie who lost an awesome 3.5 pounds this past week!!!  You go girl!

Nicole's Daily Menu
Breakfast
Multigrain Cheerios with 1% milk
Babybel Light Cheese Round
Snack
Chobani Raspberry
Lunch
Ham on a small roll with mustard
2 Plain rice cakes with Babybel French Onion Spreadable Cheese
Diced Peaches
Snack
Kashi TLC Oats & Honey Granola Bar
Banana
Dinner
Chicken ziti
Dessert
Ice cream :-\

Days 60- 64 -- I Feel Like I Grew a Baby...

On Saturday, I traveled with two of my work girlfriends to Mohegan Sun in CT to see the oh-so-obnoxious and yet gut-wrenchingly funny Chelsea Handler.  We made a reservation to spend the night at a nearby Hilton, ensuring we could have our fun without worrying about driving home in the middle of the night.

Well, our plans were thrown off from the minute we left work.  We hit traffic, and the pouring rain didn't help much, either.  Our 55 minute drive actually took about an hour and a half.  And after checking into the hotel, we still had to circle back to the casino, find parking, and get to the arena for the 8:00 showtime.  We hit traffic again while trying to park at the casino, and that screwed with our dinner plans.  We intended to eat before the show, since our last meal was at 12:00.  But no luck for us.  We just barely made the show, so dinner had to wait until after Chelsea. 

So at 10:30, we embarked on our journey to find a dinner spot.  I don't know if any of you have ever been to  Mohegan on a Friday night, but regardless of what time you go, the restaurants are always packed.  We decided that southern comfort food was going to be our poison of choice.  I should have known it was going to be bad the minute I saw those red neon lights highlighting the words Big Bubba's BBQ. 

Being 10:30, we were famished.  My stomach had gone beyond the growling/churning/talk-until-you-feed-it phase and had entered the eat-your-own-insides-I'm-so-hungry period.  Going almost 11 hours without a meal was a REALLY bad idea.  So, naturally, I overate.  We started with strawberry daiquiris, proceeded to order barbeque nachos, and topped it all off with a plate of pulled pork, garnished with the heart-attack-inducing sides of french fries and cornbread.  It was delicious, but I totally overdid it.  My stomach muscles felt tight.  I mean, to the point where I literally felt like a beach ball that had been blown up too much and needed to have a little air released.

But that didn't stop the binge.  As if on auto-pilot, I walked to Ben & Jerry's and managed to sluggishly make my way to the counter.  A kiddie scoop?  Hell no!  One scoop?  Definitely not.  No, clearly I needed the two-scoop Strawberry Cheesecake in a jimmie-covered waffle cone.  I got no further than ten licks before I felt as if I were going to implode.  For the first time in my life, I thew away ice cream.  Literally, the first time.  I don't think that's ever happened before.  You know how some people say spilling alcohol is a waste of precious booze???  Yea, well throwing out ice cream is a waste of precious comfort-food. 

We made it back to the room around 2 a.m.  I felt sick.  I literally sat in the bathroom, considering whether or not I should make myself throw up, just to release some of the pressure I was feeling.  I decided against it, thinking that if I just went to bed, I'd feel better in the morning.

That night, I couldn't even sleep on my stomach, it hurt so much.  And when the morning came, I didn't feel much differently.  I felt like I had grown a baby overnight and that I was due in two months.  My skin felt stretched, my stomach tight.  I felt bloated.  I felt sick.  I felt like someone had poured three gallons of salt into me.  It was the most disgusting thing I had ever experienced. 

I know there were a number of things I did wrong this past weekend.  I ate too much.  I ate too late.  I didn't stick to my eating schedule, by having a healthy snack in the afternoon and eating a slim and trim meal in the early evening.  But what really shocked me this weekend was just how much my body had changed.  No joke -- I used to be able to finish the same amount of food without even flinching.  And it wouldn't have even hurt. 

But my meals this weekend proved to me how much my body, and my lifestyle, has changed in the past few months.  I can't eat the way I used to -- literally.  It's not only that I don't want to eat that way, but I literally can't.  My stomach has shrunk and if I continue to eat the way I did this weekend, I have no doubt I'll experience pretty much the same symptoms again. 

So... yay for my stomach being much smaller!  Boo to the binge-fest I had on Friday.  I wish I had better reasons to explain my behavior on Saturday, but as I told my husband, I didn't consciously think about my decisions once on Friday.  The Old Nicole found her way to the surface for a day or so, and it sucked.  I let my guard down, overate, chose the wrong foods, and just gave in to temptation way too much. 

In the past, weekends like this last one would have deterred me from getting "back on the wagon," so to speak.  Weekends like this last one would have convinced me that "I just love food too much" or "It's too hard."  And my desire to take the easy road out would have won.  But not this time.  Nope.  On Sunday, I was right back to making healthy decisions, and my normal habits.

Granted, the damage was already done.  I weighed in on Sunday morning at 249.4.  Major yuck.  And I know that going forward, I need to realize that one night of eating the way I want to isn't worth the damage it causes on the scale.  Hopefully I've learned that lesson now. 

Well, only time will tell.  Until then, I'll be running my giggly bum off at the gym and packing lunches of soup and fruit.  Maybe I'll incorporate some weights into my workouts this week.  Any suggestions for exercises???  Someone feeling satanic and want to make me feel that burn??? :-)  Let me know what makes you really sweat!

Nicole's Daily Menu
Breakfast
Multigrain Cheerios with 1% milk
Babybel Light Cheese Round
Snack
Kashi TLC Oats/Honey Granola Bars
Lunch
Veggie and Noodle Soup
2 Rice cakes with Babybel French Onion Spreadable Cheese
Chobani Strawberry Banana
Snack
Banana
Dinner
Enchilada with ground turkey, green peppers, and onions
Dessert
Niente :-) 

Days 53-59 -- Thank You Mother Nature

I realize that I've been a wee bit absent from the blogosphere the past week.  But I haven't exactly been myself, either.  I've been struggling with a few things and needed some time away from my everday routine.

So about once a month my body is invaded by my twin.  Let's just call her Baby Crazy Nicole.  For the past few months, Ted and I have been trying to expand our family of two.  And each month is a total roller coaster ride.  "Am I pregnant?"  "Is it this month?"  It's starting to take its toll on me.  So, pair that lovely disappointment with my monthly dose of extra hormones, and the result is Baby Crazy Nicole. 

Not to mention that, thanks to Mother Nature, I have a nice little window each month where I'm rendered completely incapable of doing anything but finding my way out of bed in the morning, to work, and back home again at night.  I haven't worked out since last Friday (I swear men have it sooo much easier!), I've felt bloated, and have wanted to do nothing more than sit on our chaise in the baggiest sweat pants I own with a nice mug-full of ice cream.  Ladies, I'm sure most of you can relate. 

None of this was helping my already, slightly depressed mood.  I had no energy to workout and continued to watch the scale creep up -- something that can be attributed to both water weight and a serious lack of exercise.  And as the scale continued to climb, I felt more and more depressed. 

But after a good long chat with Kali tonight, I feel a bit better.  Whether I like it or not, Mother Nature will show up once a month (or if I'm lucky, not for the next 9 months after this one!) and that's going to cause a shift in my weight.  Not much I can do about it, except to deal.  And that's something I'm going to have to work on. 

And as for that whole "trying to make a baby" thing -- well, the stress is definitely not helping.  So in all aspects of my life, I need to just chill.  This may seem like a pretty small thing for all of you.  But for control freaks like me, well, that's really not easy at all. 

Either way, my apologies for being MIA.  I should have been posting this week, regardless of what was going on.  Because let's face it -- when I don't post, I lose my accountability partners.  And God knows I need you all for that!!! 

How are the rest of you doing?  Anyone else having a tough week?  Or a really good week?  Or just feel like commenting??? I feel like it's been forever since I've heard from some of you!  Well, keep up the good work.  I hope you're all having a better week than I am!

Nicole's Daily Menu
Breakfast
Multigrain Cheerios with 1% milk
Babybel Light Cheese Round
Snack
Chobani Raspberry Yogurt
Lunch
Campbell's Select Harvest Minestrone Soup
20 Snyder's Mini Pretzels
Diced Peaches
2 Rice Cakes with Babybel French Onion Cheese
Snack
Sliced strawberries
Banana
Dinner
1 piece of lasagna
Dessert
Ice cream :-)